All my life I’ve been told ‘you’re so quiet, so quiet.’
That came from Sheila, one of my colleagues, who liked to waltz into office meetings, cross one leg over the other, swing her leg up and down, stick her high heel in the air and talk constantly about the broken coffee machine and how the filing system needs to be improved.
God, she was annoying. She didn’t let anyone get a word in.
The people who talk the loudest and say the most don’t make the best points.
Sheila had complaints, not solutions.
I used to hate being told I was quiet. Now I value it, because I see that it’s a great quality to have.
I listen more.
I talk when it matters.
When people tell you you’re quiet, it’s them who have the problem.
They say it like it’s a bad thing, because it makes them uncomfortable that introverts don’t talk as much as they do.
I’m not afraid to speak up when it matters. When I talk, I like to think the words hold value, I’ve thought about the point I’m making.
Quietness doesn’t equate to shyness
Many successful business people have been introverts. Quiet, but confident. Knowing what steps they need to take, the people they need to know, to make their business a success.
Introverts are not shy.
The quietness comes from a keenness to listen, to store the energy needed and speak up when there’s a decent suggestion to make or to move the conversation forward.
Small talk sucks: meaningful conversations don’t.
I don’t like small talk. Don’t ask me about the weather at work. You just got here, you’ve seen what it’s like outside!
I’ll ask you interesting questions, find out about your life, your work. Introverts love to talk, but they want to have deeper conversations about different parts of life, that’s what fascinates them.
There is a place for small talk, but it’s not something that many introverts are going to really take part in.
Introverts are so anti-social
Another of my favourites.
Introverts don’t go out, they don’t like to be around people.
This couldn’t be less true.
Introverts love to socialise, but they prefer smaller groups. Spending time with people close to them.
There is something scientific here, too.
A study has shown that introverted people have higher dopamine levels than extroverts and, as such, don’t need as much of the ‘feel-good’ factor though socialising.
In fact, it wears us out and we need time alone to recharge.
Scott Barry Kaufman, in Scientific American, highlights that extroverted people are motivated by conversation and interaction with others, whereas introverts are less motivated by that.
Introverts enjoy their own company because they have a naturally higher ‘arousal’ level embedded in their brains, according to the 1960s researcher, Hans Eysenck; whereas, extroverts get their arousal level from socialising with others.
Introverts can’t lead a team
I can’t hear this more.
Talking about a team leader job that came up, everyone speculated who would go for it.
‘I might,’ I said.
Sheila turned to me, holding onto her glasses and sharing looks with
our other two colleagues, standing there.
Her reaction said a lot. She didn’t think I could or that I could do it — at first.
‘Yeah, that’s right,’ I said.
‘I’d make sure that coffee machine got fixed,’ I said to her.
She laughed.
When I got that leadership role, we went on to have a better relationship, understood me more.
And she never commented on my quietness again after that.
As introverts, we possess many qualities that are misunderstood by many people. Those qualities can be used at work to be more focused, more productive and to, one day, become great leaders.
In what way are you misunderstood as a person?
If this has resonated with you, I’d love to connect!
About me
As someone who has changed their career a couple of times and faced redundancy, I wanted to help others do the same!
I’ve trained as a careers coach and like helping people get further in their career, have better relationships at work, find a new job and boost income in later life.
Unhappy at work?
You can find me at: www.jobhappy.co.uk
