5 massive changes to the dating game
When it comes to dating and relationships, the world seems to have gone crazy.
Dating has changed so much in the last decade….so for someone coming back into dating after a long time, there’s going to be a brief period of shellshock and confusion…because ALL the rules have changed.
How do you meet people you could potentially date?
What do you have to do now?
When I was younger, it was easy to get chatting to someone through a busy social life, meeting people in pubs or through friends of friends.
There were countless ways of meeting people that you didn’t even need to think about it.
Also, it was likely your life was much simpler than it is later in life when, chances are, you probably have children, an ex and other commitments to contend with.
Finding a new relationship means starting from scratch in the dating game.
To go out, you need company. The friends you had before are now settled, have other commitments or aren’t as sociable as they used to be.
So who do you go out with and how do you even find people to go out with?
Not to mention that your own commitments have probably changed, with working and parenting — how are you going to make time to fit this into your life?
Suddenly your life isn’t as sociable as it once was.
So your attention turns online.
And boy, have things changed.
Here are 5 major changes to dating that have overhauled the whole pathway to relationship happiness:
The swipe right
In the past, going to a local pub or venue involved locking eyes with someone across the crowd….or finding a reason to get up close or start a chat. You’d take in how they looked ,from their hair, to the way they dress, to their body language.
Get a good idea about them and who their friends are.
Fast forward 20 years later and it’s a matter of looking through a series of photos on a dating app. Depending on the photo, you can either swipe left (for no) and right (for yes).
We have Tinder to thank for this, the dating app that started the trend of selecting those on a shortlist for consideration to date.
One look and — boom — you have an instant range of options at your hands to either consider or reject.
Isn’t this encouraging people to be much more shallow in their judgement of someone?
Of course it is.
Is it more convenient?
And so the instant swipe has become the norm.
The stages to a relationship
The way to a relationship used to be so simple. You met someone, got chatting and met with them a few times. Then it was like, over time, you became their girlfriend or boyfriend.
You knew it was going somewhere and there you were, in a relationship, without even having to think about it.
Now it seems there are several parts of a process to go through before you even reach an exclusive dating phase! And that’s before
With the amount of choice available, it seems many people will see others on multiple dates before they even commit to exclusively dating someone.
Then there’s a ‘getting to know each other’ phase, while you decide if you like each other enough to form a relationship.
Confusing? Just a little bit.
The value in getting to know someone
You used to spend time getting to know one person. Meeting several times, going to each other’s homes, hanging out and doing activities together.
Now it seems to be that people meet several different people at once and have several meets before they decide. You never know if a date is speaking to other people and, if they’re not, there seems to be either an ex or another ‘potential’ person on the backburner.
This sort of approach has taken away from the true value of putting in quality time to get to know one person at a time, which is much more common than before.
Misconception of choice
Every day, your dating app will refresh with a brand new barrage of profiles and pictures to scroll through and swipe on.
It gives the impression that here, on this app, there is a plethora of choice available, right at your fingertips.
Swipe. Maybe then send a message.
Exchange a few messages, maybe swap numbers.
You can do this multiple times with multiple people.
It doesn’t matter because, it’s not like you have met any of them, so that doesn’t make it real. It makes it feel acceptable to speak to so many people, right?
On a night out, you wouldn’t speak to multiple people and collect multiple numbers in that one night, would you?
Going out and seeing people in person, there might be one or two you see through the day/night that might draw your attention. You then spend your time letting your friends know and either trying to get their attention or finding a reason to talk to them or getting your friends to give you a hand.
The way to end it
Looking back, breaking up when a relationship wasn’t working out took time to think about the best way to do it. Whether to make a phone call or go meet someone in person and end it that way. There used to be consideration for the other person’s feelings, no matter how hard it was to do. Okay, so there could sometimes
Now, it seems there doesn’t have to be an official way of ending a relationship…you can just stop messaging, calling and arranging to meet.
Ghost them, block them on social media — they should get the message eventually, right?